They key to building a positive relationship and sorting out any communication difficulties with your teenager is to keep the channels of communication open. They way we relate to teenagers in day to day life will make it easier or harder to connect. Your teenager needs to know you are interested in their lives. They need to know you care and are on their side, even if you don’t always agree with them.
- Communicating with your teen – Create regular opportunities where you chat and communicate together, have conversations about their interests and what is going on for them. Listen to their opinions, views and feelings.
- Assertive respectful communication - Be respectful, they learn much more from how we talk to them. Practice responding to your teen in an assertive and respectful way. Take time out to be calm, rather than react straight away.
- Negotiate rules and boundaries – Communicate to them that rules are for their benefit, for example, if going out to meet friends they let you know that they have arrived, they only have screen time once homework is done, they clean their room once per week. When making rules listen to your teenager and negotiate but remembering that parents are in charge.
- Teach responsibility – Give your teen responsibilities such as getting up on time in the morning, washing clothes, locking doors at night, washing up. Take time to sit down and talk to them why you would like them to take over the task. Agree to show them how to do the task if needed. Agree a reward and catch up later to see how they got on.
- Family meal times – Try to encourage your teen to discuss issues that matter to them and not just you. A perfect opportunity for discussions is during meal times. Use positive and respectful communication to encourage your teenager to join you rather than force them.
- Managing Conflict – Press the pause button, interrupt early on when you feel a conflict is becoming disrespectful or aggressive. For example I am too upset to talk about this now, we will talk about it later when WE are both calmer. Remain calm, positive and assertive and don’t give in to the demands.
- Solve problems together – Always pick a good time to talk with your teen, remembering to let them speak first whilst you listen. Give your view in a respectful way, and ask them to think of a solution to the problem before giving your own ideas.
- Teenage Brain – It is important for parents to understand that the teenage brain is under construction. Teens are more likely to react on instinct than process information. Teenagers communication and judgement skills are still developing and need the support and understanding of parents/carers.
If you are worried about connecting with your child, you should book an appointment with your GP.